God Answers
by Heidi

October 2006

Friday on the way home from work I was driving on I-95 praying and crying for God to talk to me. I was telling Him how hard it is to talk to someone I can't even see. Well, I know I talk to people on the phone, on IM, through e-mail and now myspace, but it's hard with Him because most of the time I don't seem to get any response. It's hard to know if He's responding or if I'm just making stuff up. So I prayed that He'd talk to me and that I'd know for sure it was Him.

Then this happened:

Sunday night I dreamed that I was with a group of kids my age. We were in a van and the driver, our camp counselor, was still driving even though we weren't all there. A few girls were running down the sidewalk trying to catch up.

            Finally the lady pulled over and let the girls in. I had to move over so a girl could sit by me. I tried to be nice to her.

            Then we were all in a classroom and the counselor/teacher was giving us gifts. To my right was a dark girl who was overweight wearing very unflattering clothes: turquoise shirt, short black shots, turquoise socks and black combat boots. She wasn't happy with herself. The lady gave her a skirt/dress. It was the same color as the shirt she was wearing and long and flowy like a gypsy's. It had bands of lace and ribbon. When she changed into it it was a dress and looked very nice and flattering on her.

            The tag said some encouraging things about the length to show her legs (and cost less) and about getting exercise and feeling good about oneself.

            She liked it. It was just right for her.

            Then the lady gave a boy to my left two large rolls of architecture-drawing paper. The boy normally was kind of depressed and did a little grafiti. He didn't really understand why she was giving him thig gift, but it was just right for him. It was something that would bring hope, purpose, focus, and a life-work to his life. He would grow to love it. It was perfect for him, but he didn't realize it right away.

            I saw the amazingly careful attention she had put into choosing each gift for each child.

            I was amazed by the lengths that she must have gone to to choose and prepare each gift. She knew us much better and cared for us much more deeply than we had thought.

            I thought, I wonder what my gift will be? and I remembered the verse about "Every good gift comes from God." I realized the significance of the dream and then I woke up.

            I got ready for work. Went downstairs. Ate breakfast. While I ate I read my Bible. I was at James 1. As I read I came to James 1:17 "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." Wow! I was stunned. What clear confirmation!

            After dinner I was telling Steve all about the dream and he asked if I had read the calandar for today (Mr. Roger's daily sayings) so I ran upstairs and read Oct 2. Monday. "We all have different gifts, so we all have different ways of saying to the world who we are." Wow again!

           I was just stunned. Here I had been so upset, and crying to God about how it was so hard to talk to Him, not knowing if He was listening or if He'd answer, and just two days later, beyond a shadow of a doubt, He gave me this dream to reasure me that He's here. He's listening. He answers. And not only that, but that He loves me and has the perfect gift for me. Incredible.

June 2008

My Heart (Sleeping)

by Heidi M. Llewellyn

My heart

(which had been sleeping)

awoke

climbed up my chest

into my throat

and spoke

accusing,

"God!

Why don't You talk to me!?"

And then He did.

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